On today’s show we are talking about a very passionate topic. We’ve just gone through a big PCS / moving season and if you are stuck in a rut trying to make friends or if you want better friends or maybe just one friend, we are talking about 7 Tips for Military Spouse to Attract Better Friendships.
by Krista Wells
Each of us needs a support network to depend on when our spouse is deployed, but how can we actually go about finding dependable friends to add to this group of select individuals? And how can we build new, meaningful friendships when we reach our next duty stations?
As we get older, we become more stable with regard to who we are, so many of us find that we more easily attract people who are genuinely interested in and care about us. Friendships become more sophisticated as we grow, but we can support the effort toward developing such meaningful friendships by continuously growing and being true to ourselves.
In this article, I offer some tips for both personal growth and attracting deeper friendships. You may find that these two ideas are far more interrelated than you initially thought.
Tip 1: Become Your Own Best Friend
As we spend more time nurturing our creative sides and practicing self-reflection, we become more confident and vital. When we feel more self-assured, others pick up on this poise. By being confident and actively working toward success, we become attractive potential friends to those around us.
Rather than actively seeking new friendships, seek out new opportunities for self-improvement. If you are focusing on success in business, perhaps work on becoming a better salesperson or, if you are trying to exercise more, sign up for tennis lessons. By following your own interests and goals, you will attract like-minded individuals to you.
You’ll likely also find that such compatible people will also support your development. Life coaching guru Jim Rohn explains that we are the sum of those we hang out with; by surrounding ourselves with kind, passionate, and driven individuals, we often find ourselves harnessing the same attributes.
The more you know yourself, the more confidence you will have and the more fantastic people will want to get to know you.
Tip 2: Be the Friend You Want to Have
The best way to nurture friendships is by trying to be a better friend. Giving more is a great way to receive more, and this is especially true with relationships. If you are generous with your time and energy, people will come to understand your values and feel that they can both trust you and support you in a symbiotic friendship.
I try to do small but meaningful things like bringing dinner to a mom going through a hard time or offering to watch the kids when a friend is in a jam. These acts of kindness don’t put me out but allow me to bless others when I can. Sometimes, even the smallest acts can make a huge difference in a friend’s hectic life and, more often than not, I find that my friends repay the favor.
Tip 3: Express Gratitude
When you take some time out of each day to reflect on the things that you are grateful for, you start to unconsciously seek out positivity as you go about your day. You tend to smile more, find yourself more easily amused, and more often notice the beauty of the nature around you.
A grateful spirit is contagious and being positive will help you find other positive people.
Tip 4: Be Yourself
Acting is so exhausting! Rather than finding people who get along with your public persona, focus on meeting people with whom you are comfortable being yourself. Take note of when you lose track of time with someone, catch yourself laughing uncontrollably, or just feel that you are showing your true self to someone.
These are the moments that define friendships worth nurturing and preserving.
Tip 5: Plan Your Day
If you don’t plan your day, you might find yourself getting caught up in conversations with people who simply don’t add value to your life. If you take your kids to the park and strike up a conversation to pass the time, that is great, but, if you find that you often get into lengthy, draining conversations, consider setting some boundaries.
Otherwise, you might end up spending more time and energy on someone else’s issues or chatting at length about meaningless topics than working on your own agenda and growth.
Many of us end up in friendships with people who are unpleasantly self-involved, overly focused on the inane, or overly negative. The truth is, we really don’t have time to engage in such unconstructive chatter or nurture such unhealthy relationships. But, if we don’t know our schedules ahead of time, we’re far more likely to get pulled into such superficial friendships.
The more you plan out your day, the more you end up in the driver’s seat. By controlling your day (and your life!), you get to choose who you spend your time with and which relationships you actively attend to. I find that it’s often more fulfilling to spend time with myself than with artificial “friends” of convenience.
Tip 6: Be Genuinely Interested in Others
As you become vital, express gratitude, and do things that put you in a positive flow, you quickly weed out people who drain you while attracting more people who support and align with your goals.
I find that, the more time I spend getting to know my values, interests, and goals, the more that I become fascinated by others. I then spend my free time learning more about new acquaintances and asking eager questions, genuinely listening with a caring lens and creating valuable friendships.
Tip 1 – Become Your Own Friend
Tip 2 – Be The Friend You Want to Have
Tip 3 – Express Gratitude
Tip 4 – Hang around people where you can be yourself.
Tip 5 – Seek Activities That Interest You
Tip 6 – Plan Your Day
Tip 7 – Be Genuinely Interested in Others
Do you have a tip to share? Leave us a comment!
To sign up for Dr. Krista Wells’ free monthly coaching teleclass, visit her Facebook Events page: https://www.facebook.com/TheMilitarySpouseCoach/events/
Thank you for listening!
The Military Spouse Show. Insight and Inspiration for Intentional Living.